I Really DO Hate Coats

Hi guys – a wee extra post just for the end of the year so you can see the temerity and utter houndishness possessed by us dachshunds.

Mum tries, she really does, I have a (some might say) wonderful wardrobe of manly attire into which Mum presses my wee sausage body now that winter is well and truly here but do I care? Not a jot! I hate coats and that’s a fact. This statement can be borne out in the following pics… poor Mum – just as well I love her!

Until next time, Love, leggies and of course HAPPY HOGMANAY, Nutty x

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ps come on Mum & Dad – I’m not laughing!!!

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Twas the Night before Christmas…

… when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a squeak…

Unwilling to jeopardise the arrival of the jovial Santa Paws, bringer of gifts to all good doggies on Christmas Eve, I made sure every one of my squeak toys (and there are many) were tucked up in their squeaky wee beds in good time.

When I finished their squeak-time story they all settled down like good wee squeaks and promised faithfully to go to sleep so that Santa Paws could visit them and leave them a nice squeaky present for being good squeaks all year.

Well after all that I don’t mind telling you I was a bit pooped myself so once I made sure Mum and Dad were sleeping peacefully I made one final night patrol and lay down in my bed for a nice bit of shuteye.

Only to be woken up minutes later by a terrible noise. It was awful – deafening in fact and it sounded just exactly like a squeak in terrible pain. SQUEAK-OOH SQUEAK-OOH it went. I was out of my blankets in seconds and started barking my head off to alert Mum & Dad that there was a MAD SQUEAK-KILLER on the loose. On Christmas Eve too! Imagine!

The light clicked on and I saw Dad hopping around on one foot rubbing his big toe furiously. SQUEAK-OOH was coming from both Dad and the squeak he had trodden on. Squeak went SQUEAK and Dad went OOH. SQUEAK-OOH, geddit?

Well I did what any daxie would do I rescued the squeak immediately and put him back into his squeak bed after giving him a hug and seeing he was ok. I mean having one of Dad’s great scaly feet tramping all over your head in the middle of the night can never be a good thing.  Next I turned to Dad and planted my tiny wee self right in front of him with a no-nonsense look on my face. I tell you if my front leggies were long enough I would have crossed them, I was that mad. Dad seemed to get the vibe. ‘Sorry Nuts,’ he whispered ‘hope I didn’t wake you up.’

WAKE ME UP!

WHAT ABOUT SQUEAK!

WHAT ABOUT SANTA PAWS!

I started shouting these important points at him in a series of sharp barks which seemed to annoy Dad, although why he should be the one to get annoyed I don’t know. We dachshunds are nothing if not stubborn so I kept right on barking and sure enough Dad calmed down. ‘There, there Nutty Boom-Boom,’ he patted my head and scratched behind my ears where he knows I like to be tickled. I considered taking advantage of the moment and going in for the full tummy rub but there was no time. The squeaks were still asleep and I had to get Dad shuffled off back to bed before Santa Paws arrived.

Every canine knows Santa won’t come if there is a human around, especially little puppy humans and whilst it has been very many years since Dad was a puppy, I was taking no chances. I tried nosing him gently towards the stairs. ‘Oh ho the Boomer,’ he said ‘you want rid of me eh?’

‘Well yeah Dad, Santa Paws is coming.’

‘Yes because Santa Claus is coming,’ Dad rambled on.

Did he just say Santa Claus?

‘Santa Paws,’ I corrected.

‘Aye soon be Santa Claus time Nutty Boom-Boom,’ Dad ambled upstairs and went back to bed.

‘Santa Paw –‘I started to say but no point. Clearly the man is as deaf as a post and I could only hope that Mr Paws saw fit to bring Dad a hearing aid as his present this year.

I climbed back into my nest of blankets and put my wee houndy face on my paws. I listened carefully but all the squeaks were asleep and by the sound of those elephant snores coming from upstairs, Dad was too. Time for some shuteye myself now.

Hope Santa Paws was good to you all!

Until next week. Love and leggies. Nutty x

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Me with Santa Paws presents for the squeaks (I’m the one in the Santa hat!)

Nutty’s Christmas Ode

My Mum says I’m a funny wee man

I guard my family as best I can

I love my Mum and my Dad too

And they love me very much it’s true

Although I have my jobs to do

I’m sure it is the same for you

Mums and Dads are not aware

Of how much we really care

To all my friends across the world

Let’s wag together, tails unfurled

A very Merry Christmas Day

To friends both close and far away

Let’s all link paws and say a prayer

For dogs who have no one to care

And who can only stand and stare

When we have fun – it isn’t fair

Our doggie thoughts may not be much

But they do our Creator touch

Let’s send out love and waggy tail kisses

For doggies who in life love misses

God bless you all from this little dog

To all my friends who read Nutty’s Blog

Merry Christmas friends!

Until next week. Love and leggies. Nutty x

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The Night Shift

Because of my tremendous hearing, this wee dachshund-person has the job of guarding the house at night, but I don’t think Mum and Dad appreciate just how many long hours a long dog has to work; then they wonder why I am dog tired in the morning. On this night shift in particular I was patrolling around (I usually find it best to do this every half hour or so which gives me a little shuteye between rounds) checking that all was safe and secure.

 

I was nose to the ground, ears alert pounding the beat from living room through to kitchen and back again when I heard it – the loudest noise EVER! It was a weird snuffling, gruffling, puffling sound, probably coming from a monster under the stairs. I had to alert the parents right away. Usually a soft little whine does it because Mum is a very light sleeper but that didn’t do the trick so I tried again using my famous hound-dog hoooooowl – still no results. The parents were obviously zonked out.

 

My third and final high alert howl can pierce human eardrums at 100 paces so I yowled and yowled and then I yowled some more, launching myself against the living room door for good measure. Dad came flying downstairs ‘What is it Nutty lad?’ he said and I did my best to explain about the weird snuffling, gruffling, puffling noises and the weird snorkley-faced monster living under our stairs but Dad is not the quickest on the uptake and he just looked at me with a hangdog expression on his face.

 

I explained over and over but the man wasn’t getting it so I gave up and went back to bed. So did Dad. Two minutes later the horrible snuffling, gruffling, puffling started again. So I alerted Dad once more and together we checked the house inside and out and I even made Dad look in the cupboard under the stairs but the snuffling, gruffling, puffling monster had obviously hidden himself. Dad looked at me as if I was mad and climbed wearily back upstairs and I tunnelled under my blankets but I have to tell you my nose was twitching – there was something very weird going on.

 

Two minutes of silence then again with the snuffling, gruffling, puffling. I howled and yowled loud as I could. Then I thought, maybe the snuffling, gruffling, puffling monster has crawled upstairs to get Mum and Dad– I launched my body at the door – and went flying through as Dad forgot to close it properly. I bounded upstairs straight into the parents’ bedroom howling like a mad dog all the way… it was only when I stopped howling that I realised the horrible snuffling, gruffling, puffling noise was coming from Dad. He was SNORING! No wonder Mum couldn’t hear – she had two great wads of cotton wool sticking out of her ears.

My Mum is a very clever person.

I take after my Mum.

Until next week. Love and leggies. Nutty x

 

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Me & Dad on patrol.

 

Halloween Hoooowler

All you discerning doggies out there will of course know that Halloween happened a couple of months ago but paw on heart it has taken me this long to gather myself together after the sheer trauma of the event. By that I mean the dreaded doggy Halloween party. Well I got the invite natch – but does it mean I have to go? According to Mum it does and not only did I have to go I had to dress up!!! Me, who hates wearing coats, sweaters, anoraks – whatever. If it goes on my fur I’m gonna hate it. This is especially true of Halloween costumes.

Sometimes I swear my Mum understands every word I say and there are other times when I am just as sure she ignores me. What part of a wee frowny, furry, red face says ‘hey Mum let’s dress me up as a snowman?’ None right? Of course right. But my Mum has a mind of her own sometimes so I was squeezed (most unflatteringly) into a ridiculous snowman outfit and patrolled out to the party.

Pity the Diva was indisposed coz it was right up her street whereas I just stood growling in a corner along with Dracula the Chihuahua and a Pirate Pit-bull whilst two Poodle Witches and a Fairy Labrador struck some seriously unattractive canine poses.

Parents will be parents though and there is nothing I can do about my Mum. Now its winter she has a whole range of coats which I have to be swaddled in before I can go over the door. If you see a small red waddling dachshund with a wee frowny face coming towards you in the street, please don’t laugh however much you want to – it will probably be me.

Until next week. Love & leggies. Nutty x

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Shive the Diva Moves House

What we dachshunds lack in size we make up for in sheer willpower, tenacity, intelligence and of course handsomeness. So it was with all four of these assets I girded my little loins and set off to help my canine compadre Shiva the Diva move house. If you are wondering how a Dachshund like me and a Staffie like Shiva can be related, well it’s because my Mum is related to Shiva’s Mum which makes us relations too.

Shiva’s already diva-like tendencies were pushed to the max about the whole concept of moving. She had a perfectly nice wee pad, one where we could play and have a bit of a bark on the stairs like any normal friends do but her Mum said she had to move and that was that. As all canine readers will know, and even puppies get his one early on, Mums and Dads, in fact humans in general have such barking mad ideas sometimes and a dog can do nothing but go along with them. Well someone has to make sure they don’t get it completely wrong!

Such was the case with the Diva so off we trundled to the great metropolis that is Glasgow to help out. Just as well too! Poor Shiva (who is not getting any younger) looked a bit flabbergasted and wobbly about the whole thing, especially since the new place had no dog smell. Zero, zilch, nada, nuffink. Well!

So I did what any dachshund brudder would do and gave Miss Shiva the remainder of my half-chewed bone whilst I scouted through the empty house leaving my mark so to speak. Later on we had a good old sniff-fest together and by her sonic speed tail wagging I knew Shiva was feeling much better. Of course by the time the parents turned up, the job was done and Shiva’s new house was already fit for a Diva!

Until next week. Love & leggies. Nutty x

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Looking After Aunty Hec

Humans like to say it’s a dog’s life but really I’m not so sure.  These humans whom I own,  well I call them Mum and Dad but I think they have other names because I hear other humans calling them different things; Dad especially gets called a lot of names…  Anyway the point is they have no idea how busy I am trying to keep tabs on them.  Always running away they are, scurrying out the door in the morning without so much as a by-your-leave either and I am left here till the arrival of Aunty Hec who gives me my lunch.  I like Aunty Hec except when she makes me take her for a walk in the rain; I have tried to tell her that we Dachshunds (or Daxies as we are affectionately known here in Scotland) do not do rain but I’m not too sure Aunty Hec understands but she is rather old (she has to be at least 10 I think) so I don’t blame her too much.

When Mum and Dad come in I have to take them for a walk.  You would think after being out all day they would want a rest but no they like their walks do those two.  So once I’ve taken them for their evening walk that is all my jobs done for the day – oh except when I have to bring Dad his slippers and be a lap-warmer for Mum and after a few patrols around the perimeter fence making things secure it is then and only then am I allowed a little down time myself.  A dog’s life?  Oh really…  Luckily I am here to keep everyone right.

Until next time, love & leggies, Nutty x

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