Because of my tremendous hearing, this wee dachshund-person has the job of guarding the house at night, but I don’t think Mum and Dad appreciate just how many long hours a long dog has to work; then they wonder why I am dog tired in the morning. On this night shift in particular I was patrolling around (I usually find it best to do this every half hour or so which gives me a little shuteye between rounds) checking that all was safe and secure.
I was nose to the ground, ears alert pounding the beat from living room through to kitchen and back again when I heard it – the loudest noise EVER! It was a weird snuffling, gruffling, puffling sound, probably coming from a monster under the stairs. I had to alert the parents right away. Usually a soft little whine does it because Mum is a very light sleeper but that didn’t do the trick so I tried again using my famous hound-dog hoooooowl – still no results. The parents were obviously zonked out.
My third and final high alert howl can pierce human eardrums at 100 paces so I yowled and yowled and then I yowled some more, launching myself against the living room door for good measure. Dad came flying downstairs ‘What is it Nutty lad?’ he said and I did my best to explain about the weird snuffling, gruffling, puffling noises and the weird snorkley-faced monster living under our stairs but Dad is not the quickest on the uptake and he just looked at me with a hangdog expression on his face.
I explained over and over but the man wasn’t getting it so I gave up and went back to bed. So did Dad. Two minutes later the horrible snuffling, gruffling, puffling started again. So I alerted Dad once more and together we checked the house inside and out and I even made Dad look in the cupboard under the stairs but the snuffling, gruffling, puffling monster had obviously hidden himself. Dad looked at me as if I was mad and climbed wearily back upstairs and I tunnelled under my blankets but I have to tell you my nose was twitching – there was something very weird going on.
Two minutes of silence then again with the snuffling, gruffling, puffling. I howled and yowled loud as I could. Then I thought, maybe the snuffling, gruffling, puffling monster has crawled upstairs to get Mum and Dad– I launched my body at the door – and went flying through as Dad forgot to close it properly. I bounded upstairs straight into the parents’ bedroom howling like a mad dog all the way… it was only when I stopped howling that I realised the horrible snuffling, gruffling, puffling noise was coming from Dad. He was SNORING! No wonder Mum couldn’t hear – she had two great wads of cotton wool sticking out of her ears.
My Mum is a very clever person.
I take after my Mum.
Until next week. Love and leggies. Nutty x
Me & Dad on patrol.