For anyone unfamiliar with the Scottish language, a big sook (or in my own case a wee sook) is the general term for a puppy (canine or human) who enjoys snuggles, cuddles and tummy rubs at the drop of a stick. Thus the sook is one who wastes no time in going in for the sooky whenever possible. The sooky can be obtained from Mums, Dads and Aunty Hecs or equivalent.
The sooky itself is an art form and its power should never be underestimated. Sookys can get you out of a whole load of trouble and are an excellent tool for diverting the heat away from yourself when need be.
A classic illustration of the sooky and how it works can be seen in the following little incident which happened last summer. Dad left the garden shed open even though Mum told him to close the door. You see Mum knows me so well she know I would be seduced by the wonderful variety of sights and smells in the shed and that an open door would be more temptation that I could reasonably withstand. However Dad sometimes forgets I am a nosey wee hound and soon became diverted himself before he got round to closing the door. Mum and Dad went inside and I was left alone in the garden – just me and an open shed door.
What did I do? What would any self respecting dog do? I dived right in there and stuck my giant dachshund sneb (nose) into a bucket of sawdust Dad had parked right at the door for easy access. Oh it was exciting stuff and my wee snout quivered with joy and my tail wagged so hard it would have rivaled even the Diva’s sonic speed moves.
I leaned right in and the smell became stronger and before I knew it I was up to my tummy in sawdust. To be fair it is not difficult to submerge your legs when each leggie is only 3 ½ inches long (Mum told me this later as dachshunds cannot measure with any degree of accuracy). I was rootling around inside this finely chopped sawdusty stuff for a while before I heard the back door of the house open – Mum and Dad! Oops – I’d forgotten about them! I lifted my head out of the bucket and sneezed and sneezed and SNEEZED. No point wasting time in denial this time so I was out of there in a flash, choosing Dad to run to because he had his dark, thundery face on.
I have an impressive selection of sookys which I use regularly depending upon the occasion and you would do well to start practicing a few sooky moves of your own. On this occasion the mess and mayhem was so severe I went straight for the Burrowing Sooky which works by way of the sook pushing the head right into and under the arm of the sookee (in this case Dad). The head should be pushed in as far as possible for best effect, and the Burrowing Sooky is especially effective if you have a hound-dog sneb with which to lead the sook. Pugs, bulldogs and the like are best advised to practice the Slobbering Sooky which is just as effective and endearing.
Whilst you are in the midst of the sooky don’t forget to whimper pitifully. ‘Sorry Dad, I’m sorry’. ‘Aw he’s sorry,’ Mum says and I knew they were won over but never does to be over-confident so I continued with the sooky like the professional I am. The upbark of the situation is this: if the sooky is effectively done and the timing is right then you can pretty much get away with anything.
In a nutshell then the Rules of Sooky are:
- Once you have been caught out waste no time – start the sooky process immediately.
- Choose as your sookee the one who looks most angry.
- A sooky well done will divert attention away from you (the miscreant) and on to some other (probably innocent) person.
- Always practice your sooky techniques regularly – you never know when you might need to use one in a hurry!
Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x
An illustration of how to carry out the Scarf Sooky.