Nutty’s CV

Curriculum Vitae

 

Name:                                     Nutty Boom Boom

Address:                                My house

DOB:                                      14 April 2011

Star Sign:                              Aries

Pedigree:                               Yes

Coats:                                     Only under duress

 Current Employment:          Guard dog and defender of the house/companion dog/big sooky/general pesticle/ice cream connoisseur

Company:                              Mum & Dad

How long in this position:   Since puppyhood

Duties:  

Running                                Nutty 014

Laundry                              Nutty 008

Gardening                         Nutty 013

Sleeping                      Nutty 034

Driving                        Nutty 018

Sookying                       Nutty 003

Sunbathing                     Nutty 002

Admin                         Nutty 003

Demolition                  Nutty 025

Corporate Events                 Nutty 001

Food Taster                          Ice cream 1

What about it guys – who wants to give me a job???

Love & Leggies, Nutty x

Happy Holidaze!

Hi anipals – we are off for a long weekend to a canine hotel that accepts well-behaved owners in Kirkby Stephen, Cumbria.  I was adamant that I would not go if Mum & Dad were not welcome too as I know they would do the same for me.

Apparently the hotel we are staying in allows well trained people into the dog dining room as long as they have been table-trained and are not messy eaters. I am pleased to report that Mum & Dad required minimal training on that front and indeed it is only Dad who (now and again) needs a gentle reminder not to bark excitedly or let off any broccoli bottom smells in the presence of food.

On the whole though they are very well behaved humans and I look forward very much to our little break. I am sure they will not let me down.

Dog bless anipals,

Love & Leggies, Nutty x

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Dad receiving some outside training

Cold Daze & Coats

As all my anipals will know, I hate coats. By coats I also mean, jumpers (hand-knitted or otherwise), cute hats, kilts (yes anipals I have actually seen a poor dachshund in a kilt!  Not attractive!) or anything else that is not fur.

Yes anipals I love wearing FUR, my own natural FUR and nothing else. Is it my fault that my fur is (Mum says) too fine to keep the cold out? Of course not I hear you all cry and right you are too – yet Mum insists on decking me out in an assortment of outdoor wear whenever we brave the elements from October to April (one blustery day in May last year I remember being squeezed into a coat but that, anipals, is a whole different story).

So what is to be done with such a stubborn Mum I hear you ask. Hmm. Good question. I believe Mum takes her stubbornness from me because dachshunds win prizes for tenacity. However when it comes to outdoor wear, Mum has me beat. I have tried everything: sookys, leans, snugly-wugglys, sad puppy dog eyes, pathetic whines, hiding, hangdog expression and I tell you friends nothing works – the woman is relentless.

When my body grew too long for the coats I smelled a glimmer of hope but no: Mum simply purchased a selection of longer coats and gave the old ones to animal charity. Mum then informed me that these new coats will last for a long, long (pun intended) time because I am now fully grown.

Mums!

You have to love them.

Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x

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Mum wrestling me into a coat.

Lonely Lola

Dear Mr Nutty

I am a young, solvent, attractive poodle who is always well groomed and come from a very good family, yet Valentine’s Day found me alone once again.

There was a dog once; a handsome Beagle cross with a nice line in barks and a wicked glint in his eye. Although his pedigree was far from pawfect we did get on very well together.

My family of course knew nothing of this as they would have been shocked to discover I’d been seeing a mongrel… yes Mr Nutty I have used the M-word. I used it to him too and now I wish I had kept my muzzle shut. The love of my life shook his head sadly and walked off – I have not seen him since.

Please help Mr Nutty. Or have I missed my chance?

Lonely Lola

Dear Miss Lola

Don’t worry, most of Dog’s creatures need a second chance and you are no different. You are simply in love with Beagle Boy that’s all. Once you admit that to yourself and can put pedigree aside in favour of your happiness you will, I am sure, find BB again.

Knowing male doggies as I do, I am convinced that BB is just as miserable as you. He is probably wishing he was a poodle you would be proud to take to your detached kennel, but like most mixed breeds, he has his pride and has sacrificed his love for you as he feels he cannot ask Ma & Pa Poodle for your paw with impunity.

Miss Lola wait no longer! Make up your mind that BB and your good self belong together. Get on your best sparkly coat, put a wiggle in your boom-boom and a wag in your tail and comb the streets and the parks until you find your BB. When you do throw your paws around him and give him a slobbery lick right across the chops.

Do this Miss Lolo and without a doubt BB will be putty in your paws.

Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x

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Professional Pawblem Solver

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!

This is what I got for Valentine’s day

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This is what Dad got for Valentine’s day

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Sshh… but I think it was Mum

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Till next time. Valentine love & leggies,. Nutty x

I Love Dad!

Mum instructed Dad to give me a small morning sossige

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Dad gave me a large dinner time sossige

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I love Dad!

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Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x

Don’t Share Your Life with a Dachshund If…

1)    You want your free time to be… free

2)    You like rain and welly walkies – we don’t

3)    You want to dress us up in coats and sparkly jumpers (maybe that one is just me)

4)    You like watching TV or reading a book undisturbed – it is usually at these times we want to play with you

5)    You object to giving us 100% attention 24/7 – that is the least we require

6)    You object to receiving 100% attention 24/7 – we love you so much

7)    You have any other passion which may take your attention away from us – won’t do at all

8)    You object to piles of blankys and squeaks all around the house – makes a house a home

9)    You  are unwilling to share your bed, your bath or your dinner plate – selfish we call it

10) You do not wish on-tap sookiness and snuggles – who could resist?

If however you comply fully with all of the above then I am delighted to inform you that you are now ready for your very own life-enhancing dachshund. Congratulations!

Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x

Nutty 011

Dad enjoying a sooky – resistance is futile…

A Pawblem Shared is a Pawblem Solved – Herman the Chihuahua

Dear Nutty

I am Herman, an enthusiastic eighteen-month-old male Chihuahua with much love for my family and friends. However over the last few months I have been suffering from severe mood swings which really upset M&D and my friends are not too keen on this new behaviour either. Only yesterday I spotted Maisie the Poodle don a pair of dark glasses and quickly cross the road to avoid me and even hardy Ballet-Girl the Pitbull gives me a wide berth these days. Male anipals no longer hang around with me on park corners like they used to…what am I doing wrong? I think I am upsetting everyone so much without meaning to. It’s as if my actions are beyond my control. Please help Nutty. You are my last resort.

Dear Herman

First of all don’t stress. What you are so delicately describing is a natural male condition which is easily fixed by – well by you getting fixed Herman. I am sure it is something M&D are seriously considering but maybe they are reluctant to put you through any trauma as they see it.

I will not lie to you Herman, the procedure does involve a trip to the vet and an operation – don’t worry you will be asleep the whole time. I know this because M&D had me fixed too when I was fighting like mad to take Dad’s place in the house. All that growling, barking, whining and mounting anything that moves (or doesn’t move) does get exhausting Herman – take it from one who knows. When you get fixed you will be able to relax into being Puppy-Boy again and enjoy your life.

If you are like me and an only dog then you will be able to bask once again in M&D’s love and complete adoration, taking your rightful place as the prince of the family. I am sure M&D are already thinking along the lines of having you fixed Herman so when that day comes (trust me, it will be soon), worry not dear friend. Embrace the process and return to your family fully restored with your own good nature back in place.

*manly paw shake*

Dog bless you little Herman.

Love & leggys, Nutty x