Mum’s Story

Hello again dear anipals and welcome to Nutty’s Blog. Today I am being a little different as I am handing over (for one day only!) to Mum because she has a lovely story she would like to share with you all.

Even though I am a dog and speak only dachshund, Mum understands that I can connect with her energies and vibrations and this can be helped by the tone of voice. Therefore whether anyone thinks us weird or not I am proud to say that Mum tells me stories all the time; whispers them into my wee floppy ears she does and I don’t mind telling you it relaxes me completely and I am soon nodding off on her shoulder.

It’s a dog’s life indeed…

Till next time,

Love & leggies, Nutty x

 

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The Lady Who Was Not Afraid to Die

Once upon a time there was an old lady and as she grew older her three grandchildren (for children can be rather outspoken) would ask her whether she was afraid to die.

Instead of being shocked or angry, the wise old lady winked and pulled the children close. ‘Why would I be afraid,’ she asked with her twinkly eyes shining bright as they always did when she was starting to enjoy herself.

Thomas, the four-year-old, thought for a while ‘Well coz you are so old Gran,’ he finally said with his thumb jammed in the corner of his mouth.

‘That I am lad,’ Gran agreed ‘and does being old mean you have to be afraid?’

Thomas thought about that one. ‘No,’ he said slowly so that Gran understood he’d given her question some serious thought ‘no you don’t,’ he ended with finality.

Gran nodded and Thomas leaned in for a Gran-hug, giggling as she tickled him just the way he liked.

‘You Lynn,’ Gran drew her only granddaughter into the debate although thirteen-year-old Lynn was doing her best to sidle out of the room having deemed the question to be rude ‘do you think I should be afraid because I am old.’

‘You’re not old Gran,’ Lynn tried.

‘I am,’ Gran asserted ‘I’m 83. I had your Mum late in life and she had you late too. I am definitely old. Why there are some Great-Grans younger than me!’ Gran chortled at this although none of the children knew why it was funny.

‘OK you’re old,’ eleven-year-old Terry agreed ‘but I think dying is scary whatever age you are.’

‘I’m going to be scared to die when I’m old,’ Thomas asserted.

Gran laughed her high, tinkly laugh. ‘Nonsense,’ she said ‘and I’ll tell you why.’

‘Why?’ the three children couldn’t resist asking and once again the magnetic power of Gran’s stories brought them under her spell.

‘When you get to be 83 –‘Gran began

‘Like you,’ Thomas clarified.

‘Like me,’ Gran agreed. ‘Now if you are lucky enough to get to be as old as I am now then you won’t be afraid to die any more than I am – and I’ll tell you why,’ she rushed on seeing Thomas’ mouth open and one of his never-ending questions about to pop out ‘because I have more of my family on the other side than I do on this side.’

‘Side of what Gran?’

‘Side of life. This side – here, that side –‘

‘Dead,’ Thomas stated.

‘If you like, yes.’

‘You have more people dead than alive,’ Lynn said slowly s the realisation hit her.

‘Of course,’ Gran laughed ‘I have my Mum, my Dad, a sister and two brothers, dozens of uncles, aunts, cousins – oh and of course my own grandparents – two sets of them.’

‘And Papa,’ added Terry, remembering the grandfather his Gran loved so much.

‘And Papa,’ Gran smiled softly and her twinkly blue eyes grew watery.

‘When you die it will be a party!’ Thomas whooped ‘paaaartaaaaaay!’

‘Ssh Tom don’t say that,’ Lynn was shocked.

‘The child is quite right,’ Gran agreed with Thomas and ruffled his hair making it even messier than it already was ‘there will be a party – a homecoming party – on the other side.’

‘Paaaaaaartaaaaay!’ Thomas screamed again jumping up and down like a spring lamb.

Gran patted her hair. ‘Oh yes I am looking forward to that paaaaaartaaaaay!’ the children looked at one another in stunned disbelief – as much as Gran’s fairly accurate rendition of the word party as much as the content of what she was saying.

‘You’re not sad then – to be old I mean?’ asked Terry.

‘Not a bit of it son.’

‘Will you miss us?’ asked Lynn.

‘Of course I will,’ Gran smiled ‘but you see I have had a lot more years missing them and it would make me so happy to see them all again.’

‘’Specially Papa,’ Thomas agreed wisely.

‘Especially Papa.’

‘Ok then,’ Thomas summed up ‘I think it will be best if we are all happy when you die Gran then you won’t need to be sad leaving us when you are going to meet the other ones – on the side – in life – who are dead – I mean-‘

‘I understand perfectly,’ Gran laughed as if she was delighted with the whole world and everyone in it ‘now who’s for some juice and cake?’

‘Paaaaaaaartaaaaaay!’ cried Thomas.

 

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Nutty Poems

Hello anipals and poetry lovers everywhere. I would like to share with you a selection of my most considered pieces which I feel are particularly prevalent today. Thank DOG the world has the fine canine mind to help it stay on track.

As you all know, Mummy translates these bloggys from dachshund to human-speak as are many humans who also enjoy my blogs (thank you all!) but after lengthy discussion it was felt in this instance that the poems should remain exactly as they were written so that the depth of emotion they portray are not lost in translation.

Apologies therefore to those who are not dachshund speakers but please do try and persevere with the content. It does get easier as you go along.

Till next time,

Love & leggies, Nutty (Laureate) x

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(as you can see I like a bit of a read myself)

Ode to Daddicles

O deer dad

Doo is mad

But doo is not bard

An me neva kalls doo lard

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Ode to Mummy

O deer Mummicles

Me wuv doo hunnericcles

Doo always playz

And chayse da  bloos awayz

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Ode to Bwush

O deer Bwush

Doo bee always in a wush

Doo neva hush or blush

Wif doos brush bwush bwush

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Ode to Sossiges

O deer sossiges

Me wills take doo hostigges

And keep doo in me’s tummy

And shayre won wif me’s mummy

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Ode to Me’s Gurlfwend

O deer Candy

Cum to da beech all sandy

Twill bee just dandy

An me’s will holdy doos handy

CandyCarrots

 

A Pawblem Solved – Bounder

Dear Nutty

I am a lonely and misunderstood little rabbit. Well when I say little I mean I’m big – in fact truth to tell I am HUMUNGOUS compared to my rabbit friends. No wonder I can’t get a wife. Anyway that is not the reason I’m writing, well not the only reason.

You see Nutty, none of my rabbit friends seem to enjoy bounding across the fields like I do. I mean they do run a bit but it is more of a scurry and they have no stamina either. Me, I can bound for miles and miles with my super long back legs but when I start to do this all my friends tail off and leave me to run all by myself. Nutty please give me some words of wisdom for I am one lonely Bounder.

Yours in solitude

Bounder

 

Dear Bounder

Worry not for the solution is staring you straight in the face or should that be in the back leggys. For you see dear Bounder you are not a rabbit at all – you are a hare. Hares are much larger, have longer legs and are made for bounding across fields and living in the wild. No wonder your rabbit friends cannot keep up!

Bounder you are not a bad rabbit you are an excellent hare so hare on out there and find yourself a Mrs Hare and have a wonderful life with many little Bounders running at your tail.

I expect an invite to the wedding (“)(“)

Till next time.

Love & leggies, Nutty x

 

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Apropos of nothing – a wee sossige

Happy BARKDAY to Me!

Hi Anipals

Today 14 April is my BARKDAY and I am 2 years old. I am so lucky to have a family who love me very much and just to prove I have the very bestest Mum & Dad in the world here is some BARKDAY pictures of me and my presents.

 

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BARKDAY greetings made out of bones – can it get any better?

 

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Presents!

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Opening presents!

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Opening more presents!

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and again…

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   New Duck Squeak  Can’t believe Mum knitted him a TOAT 

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    Me and NDQ having a sooky

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Dad teasing me with New Pink Squeak

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I get NPS

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Playing with NPS

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Time for bed!

Till next time.

 

Love & leggies, Nutty x

Crafty Mum

Things my Mum has made:

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The blanket – not me!

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Original knitting pattern (and Mum’s first ever knitting effort) used to make Nutty 2 (Woman’s Weekly (Australian Edition) 1945 courtesy of Auntie Hec – seriously!

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Nutty 2 – the finished effort

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Nutty 1 & Nutty 2 – spot the diff

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First knitted TOAT ever! Hatey TOATS Mum!

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Bet Mum wishes she made this hat.

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As above

Till next time. Love & leggies, Nutty x

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Love you Crafty Mum xxx

Funny Pictures of ME

Here are a few pictures I have personally selected for your viewing pleasure. Please note however that my translator (er Mum that is) was too busy to interpret my comments so these have been left in my own wordspeak.

Hoping the dachshund tongue is not too difficult for other anipals (and Aunty Hec) to understand…

Until next time.

Love & leggies, Nutty x

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Me’s wondered lonely as a clowd…

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Twailblazer

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Da wurld is me’s lobsta

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Mummicles favritest pikchur of me’s

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Just fwow da ball daddicles – FWOW ITTTTTTT!

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Mummicles comin aftur me’s wif da toofpaste an bwush – daddicles will save me’s tho

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A silly wee sossige

My Life with Dad in Pictures

It’s no secret that I have the best Mum and Dad in the world but you may not know anipals that Mum and Dad are not experienced at being owned by a dachshund. Indeed no, in fact I am not only their first ever dachshund but the only doggicles they have ever been owned by so bearing this in mind it is no wonder I am so proud of them and all the time they spend in my training classes.

So dear old Dad even though I do poke gentle fun at you in these bloggys of mine, please know I love you very much and appreciate everything you do for me.

Just for you Dad is our life together in pictures. Enjoy.

Until next time.

Love & leggies, Nutty x

Nutty 005 Nutty 014  Nutty 022 Nutty 020 Ice cream 1 Nutty 017 Nutty 029 Nutty 006 Nutty 022 Nutty 016 Nutty 002 DCIM100MEDIA DCIM100MEDIA DCIM100MEDIA Me & my Dad Nutty 011

Thanks Dad – love you – *paw bump* xxx

Training Dad

As you will know anipals, training humans takes quite a bit of time and energy if it is to be done properly.

Example: I can be sitting with Dad teaching him (once again!) the basic premise of the sooky and how to do it properly when waft in comes the smell of dinner. Now we all know that food smells of any kind signal an immediate cessation of whatever we are doing (even sookying) and muster at the feeding bowls waiting patiently until Mum dishes out. Does Dad remember this? Of course not. He carries on as if nothing has occurred and actually waits for Mum to call him before he will get up off his you-know-what and saunter towards the food. In fact sometimes Mum has to call him twice!

Now I wouldn’t want you to think Dad is particularly slow on the uptake, I would say he has the limited capacity of any other human being and he cannot be faulted for that. He does try his best to please and he never shirks training. Whatever the weather there he is, working the coat drill (on-off, on-off on – wait for it – off) and keeping an eye out when I go poo-poo in unfamiliar places.

Like most humans though, Dad does have the tendency to want to throw sticks for me to chase. Whilst this is fun the first time and maybe even the second, it does get a bit wearing after the 10th time. However Dad seems to like it so I trip off on my wee leggies to collect the pesticle stick and bring it back.

So the upshot is, whilst properly trained Dads are the most loyal and loving creatures on DOG’s planet, their monkey-mind means we must keep up the training anipals. This is why so many of we doggicles can be found whizzing through golf courses and along the beach of a breezy Sunday morning when we would rather be nestling on Mum’s lap in front of the fire.

Until next time.

Love & leggies, Nutty x

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The coat drill

A Pawblem Shared is a Pawblem Solved – Peter the Rabbit

Dear Nutty

I am a large, fluffy bunny called Peter who is constantly being bullied by my family and now Mum and Dad are getting in on the act and are bullying me too.

I try to be as good a rabbit as I can but it does no good. My family simply do not like me. My brofur and sisfur get to sleep in a nice warm hutch with cosy warm straw and I am put out into the house so M&D can watch my every move. Even on rainy days I am sent out to walk while bro and sis cuddle up together watching me and laughing.

Discrimination is everywhere Nutty: my food is different, my bed is different, I am treated differently all the time and when I try to make those little snuffly rabbitty noises M&D tell me to stop being silly.

I fear I can take no more. You are my final hope Nutty. Please tell this large fluffy bunny how to make his family love him.

Peter the Ostracised and Odd Pet

Dear POOP

I have read your pawblem very carefully and I think I can see where the issues lie. You see I do not think you are a large fluffy bunny at all – I believe you to be a small fluffy puppy. That’s right POOP you are a puppy not a bunny.

Understandably you are shaking your fluffy head in disagreement as you read these words and I can understand your scepticism. To prove I am speaking the truth I ask you in all seriousness POOP to answer these five impawtant questions as honestly as you can:

1)    Do you really enjoy cramming yourself into a small rabbitty hutch and covering yourself with scratchy straw?

2)    Do you enjoy eating horrible lettuce and raw carrots?

3)    Is your brofur and sisfur really ignoring you or is it that they cannot understand a word you say because you are speaking puppy?

4)    When M&D take you for walkies do you secretly enjoy it?

5)    Do you find life in the hutch cramped and boring?

Now POOP if you have answered these questions as truthfully as I know you can you will understand that I am right. You are a puppy POOP and as such your M&D are treating you exactly right.

Leave the rabbits to their rabbitty twitchings dear POOP and set forth with your M&D and be the very best small fluffy puppy you can be!

Until next time.

Love & leggies, Nutty x

Nutty 2

If you remember the story My Mummy Knitted Me you will understand how worried I was when Mum decided to knit a dachshund. Although Mum did explain it was as a REMINDER for her desk not as a REPLACEMENT ‘Who could replace you Nutty’ she said and I tended to believe her because as you know anipals Mum’s never tell lies and as my Mum is the greatest Mum ever I knew she was telling the truth.

Even so I would sneak looks at this knitted trespasser as he was on Mum’s clacketty needles… Now me, it took a long time for me to grow to my full size of 14 inches long but this guy – well he was growing so fast I seriously began to wonder if our house was big enough for him and for me.

Dachshunds can be tricky creatures though and if anyone is looking for a pawsome way to get sookying whilst Mum is busy doing something else then stealth is key. I learned to sneak up on Mum’s lap like a wee furry ninja; slowly, slowly without her knowing and the needles clacking away and the knitted dachshund getting bigger by the minute… until one short leap and I was there… on Mum’s knee all sookyed in and with a ball of wool to play with as an added bonus.

Word of warning here anipals, if you do try this manoeuvre remember never to unravel the wool because this will instantly displease Mum and you will find yourself consigned to the floor (this happened to me – several times). Simply curl up on the lap and hold the wool (loosely) between the paws and you will find Mum clacks on and you get secret sookys with the additional benefit of keeping an eye on the rival.

‘Nutty 1 meet Nutty 2,’ Mum said when the multi-coloured interloper was finally finished and I got to sniff him and let him know there is only one alpha dachshund in this house – and it’s definitely not him. Still Nutty 2 did not seem to mind and he just sat there letting me have a good old sniff at his bum and his ears without a word of complaint.

Mum was so pleased by his behaviour that she look a picture of us both and I have to say Nutty 2 is not too shabby. He is Mum’s first attempt at knitting so she is very proud – although I have gently suggested she try knitting a jumper for Dad next time.

Till next time,

Love & Leggies, Nutty x

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Nutty 1 meets Nutty 2